alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
