wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
