Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
