he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
