Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
