the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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