I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
