i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
