I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
