He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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