He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Your cock deserves a montage
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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