We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
