True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
i've created a new STD.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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