I learned to sign I want to be on you today
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Deaf chicks here I come
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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