thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
