So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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