I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
i drank out of a bidet.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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