my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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