I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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