so that wasnt chicken after all
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
