omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
do herpes really smell.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Randomize
