just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
