I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
