I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
