we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
