i jhust puked up my retainher.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
