well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Randomize
