I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
