Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
