Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
