Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
