yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
