I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
