I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Randomize
