i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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