Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
