nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
