that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
zippers are such a cool invention
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
