its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
