You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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