We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
