New low: just hacked my moms facebook
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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