were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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