I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
