She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
You are a booty call, not a friend.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
