i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
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