so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
