apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
