You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
