I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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