Yo dont text me then not text me
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
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