get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
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At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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