I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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