Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
