ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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