So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Randomize
