I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Randomize
