So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
