were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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