everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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