I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
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