I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
