Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I just made out with a guy for $7.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
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