She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
home. puking in laundry basket.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
