You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I just want nice things and good sex
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Randomize
