I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
i've created a new STD.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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