At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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