I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Boobs speak an international language.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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