I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
