Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
