Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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