Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
