Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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