Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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