I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize
